


Your Graduation

by ohredhun



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, also theres like shit in the past, or something idk is this slowburn, so uhh idk itll be mentioned anyway, theyre all bittery and all Because .
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohredhun/pseuds/ohredhun
Summary: Inspired by Modern Baseball'sYour Graduation





	1. It's Been Three Whole Years of Me Thinking about You Every Day

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles are from the song Your Graduation by Modern Baseball!
> 
> -  
> so anyways, i wasnt supposed to post this yet but idK IM AN INDECISIVE BITCH so here y'all go. enjoy!

**Lin Yanjun** shared a memory from 3 years ago.

_I could study in an airplane and my uni grades wouldn’t go HIGHER one bit. I miss high school :( #Lol #TBT #Graduation #HighSchool #Totallyunrelatedcaptioniknow #Shutupitsagoodjoke_

 

Zhangjing rolls his eyes as he _randomly_ sees Yanjun’s facebook status. Yep, randomly. _Totally random._ It’s not like he actually clicked _See First_ or even _Get Notifications_ on Yanjun’s profile, no. Not like that at all. He doesn’t care anymore. He scrolls down the comments anyway, out of sheer curiosity of course.

**Wang Ziyi** _Lol good one bro_

**Lin Chaoze** _Call the others! This calls for a reunion!_

**Lu Dinghao** _Count me and **Huang Xinchun** in! We miss you guys! _

**Huang Xinchun _Zhu Zhengting Cai Xukun You Zhangjing_** _y’all coming? Didn’t get to see u last time!_

 

Well... shit. He’s been summoned. This means he has to reply (which means he has to agree to go because Zhangjing just can’t say no to save his life).

 

**sad virgins**

**zhangking**

Y’SKK

       Y’SALL

JDJAHSJSK

WHAT R WE GDINSNA DFO

ICB ADJSJDKS

**kunkun**

1st of all breathe

2nd of all same

**jung2**

should we just go?

i mean... it’s been too long...

**zhangking**

eASY FOR YOUT O DSYA YORE

NOT THE ONE WHOS E HEAR T

 GOT BRKONE

**jung2**

:/

**kunkun**

it hasnt bn THAT long

**jung2**

xukun, it’s been three (3) years

**zhangking**

AND WERE STILL HRUTING

**jung2**

well, yes, but... we can’t hide from them forever

**zhangking**

WATCH ME

**kunkun**

jddssjks

u kno zting has a point

**jung2**

can you PLEASE stop being petty for a second

anyway, i’m gonna go whether you guys do or not

**kunkun**

\+ i miss dinghao and xinchun

so idk... maybe im gonna go w u ting

**zhangking**

FAKES

 

        Zhangjing isn’t really mad (he just types in all caps ALL THE TIME). But he clearly isn’t aware that Zhengting is actually ticked off. After all, he’s been dragged away from the rest of their circle just because his two best friends had their hearts broken. AND Zhangjing’s typing has made his head hurt.

        **Zhu Zhengting** _totally! just set a date! :)_

        **Cai Xukun** _im g_

        **Huang Xinchun _You Zhangjing_** _?_

 **Cai Xukun** _dnt wrry ill drag him_  

        **Lu Dinghao** _see y’all!_

       

        There’s no turning back now, is there?


	2. Sometimes for Hours, Sometimes in Passing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor zhangjing doesnt even know zhengting's mad at him (someone help him pls)

“Get the fuck up!” Xukun tries to pull the blanket off Zhangjing, to no avail. “Come on, ‘Jing! We talked about this!” He gives up and lies down beside his friend instead.

“What?” Xukun asks when he hears mumbling under the blanket.

Zhangjing pops his head out of his cocoon and says, “I’m scared,” this time, much clearer. He doesn’t know if he can face Yanjun. It’s been three years, he knows. He should’ve moved on by now, he knows. People say that as if it’s so easy. As if it’s _so easy_ to get over THE Lin Yanjun.

“Of Zhengting? Oh, you know him. It’ll pass.” The younger says, eyes fixated on his phone.

Zhangjing’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Why would Zhengting scare me?”

“Uhh.. because he’s mad at you? Wait, don’t tell me you didn’t know?”

Xukun’s statement immediately brings Zhangjing up. The latter still looks confused until a wave of realization hits him... “So that’s why he’s ignoring me.”

Xukun mumbles, “My god, you’re hopeless,” before pulling his friend up to push him into the bathroom.

“Ya think this looks good on black?” Zhangjing asks, holding out the first thing he could draw from his closet.

Xukun doesn’t look up from his phone when he answers, “Anything looks good on black. Hurry up, we’re already late.”

Zhangjing rolls his eyes before turning around to take his top off and replace it with a _worn-out pink hoodie._ “I’m ready."

“Good.” Xukun gets up, putting his phone in his pocket. He halts upon seeing Zhangjing, though. “What the fuck is that?!”

“WHAT?” Zhangjing’s tone shots up a little defensively. “You said anything looks good on black!”

“Anything but...” Xukun looks at the sweater disgustingly. “ _that._ You wore that for the whole of hell week last semester. Did you even wash that yet?” When Zhangjing’s eyes immediately dart to the right, Xukun lets out a more disgusted, “Yuck.”

Zhangjing ends up in a three-toned striped sweater (that looks more decent than the last one), black pants, and a lace-up leather boots upon Xukun’s incessant commands.

“Are sweaters all that you have? Anyway, that’s fine.” Xukun comments before dragging him outside and into his car.


	3. Saw You from the Bottom of the Staircase

“’Ting!” Xukun calls out, waving at Zhengting who’s waiting by the door of the bar. Zhangjing rushes to him first and throws his arm around Zhengting’s shoulders, standing on his tiptoes to reach the taller.

“Stop ignoring me now.” Zhangjing whines as his arm gradually slides down until it rests on Zhengting’s waist. “Huh? Huh?” He pushes, lightly shaking Zhengting. He circles his arms around the boy’s waist. “Ting!~” Zhangjing pouts.

Zhengting only smiles and ruffles his best friend’s hair as Xukun approaches them. He lets his arm drape over the smaller’s shoulder as his hand absentmindedly caress his hair. They all head inside like that, with Zhangjing clinging on him and forgetting about his inner turmoil, and Xukun smiling affectionately at the two of them albeit with shaky eyes.

Zhangjing gets a free pass, Xukun thinks. He can socialize with the others and completely ignore Yanjun’s presence. Everyone knows. Even Yanjun, himself. With him and Ziyi, though, it’s more complicated than two almost-lovers falling out. Xukun just... vanished.

He remembers the after-party the night of their graduation, how the rusty beer that’s sitting on their tongues had promised to stay in touch, to remain the same, to _not forget_. But it was the rusty beer’s promise. It wasn’t his. Besides, he had already flushed them out of his body through tears and vomit. So when he woke up with his head splitting, the first thing he reached for was his phone. He thought of blocking Ziyi’s number, but then thought better of it and resorted to turning his phone off. It’s only gonna be three days before the taller man leaves for college, anyway.

So to say, Ziyi didn’t leave Xukun. It was Xukun who left him first. And to this day, Ziyi still couldn’t understand why.

The lights are dancing all over the place and the blaring music makes Xukun dizzy from all the nostalgia. The smell of alcohol reminds him of the last time he buried his head in Ziyi’s chest and he swears he can almost hear the past through the vibrating walls.

_“Do you like someone?”_

Xukun bites his tongue.

_“Ge, what am I to you?”_

Xukun closes his eyes shut, his ears are ringing and his fists are clenched. He doesn’t notice he’s shaking. _Pathetic._ Zhengting holds his clenched fist with his free hand but he doesn’t notice. He’s busy emptying his lungs out. God. _God._ He can’t believe he’s so pathetic. It’s been three years. _Three._ How dare Ziyi to still have this effect on him? That fucking asshole and his dudebro persona. Fuck him. Fuck him. _I want to._ NO!

“Kun!” Zhengting half-yells, concerned. Even Zhangjing has untangled himself from Zhengting to shake Xukun back to earth.

Xukun’s eyes open in an instant and amidst the lack of proper lighting, they’re visibly bloodshot. _It’s the lights._ His friends are asking him questions he couldn’t hear. His ears are still ringing. So he cuts them off. “I need a light.”

The two share a concerned look as soon as Xukun gets out. “He’s okay,” Zhengting reassures. “Let’s go?”

Zhangjing nods. “Thought he quit smoking.”

“Let him be. He must be pressured.” Zhengting says, “Worry about yourself. You look like you aged 5 years since I’ve seen you last week.”

Zhangjing’s iron hand found its way to Zhengting’s upper arm. “Shut the fuck up.” Zhengting only whines in pain.

They keep bantering like that and Zhangjing’s hands never rested (much to Zhengting’s misfortune) until they reach the stairs. Of course, it’s only human nature to look up, and Zhangjing wishes he isn’t human. He almost doubts the possibility of that wish if he didn’t see what – or rather, who – was walking down the stairs. There, with all his white shirt and denim jacket glory, is _Lin Yanjun._ The person whose looks match the godly power he holds over Zhangjing.

Time doesn’t stop but Zhangjing surely does. He stands and stares as the past comes to hunt him down. He feels it at the tip of his tongue. _I missed you._ He swallows it back down, hard. To Zhangjing, Yanjun is moving too fast, approaching him... _too fast._ To Zhengting, who is a mere spectator, Yanjun is taking each step a little too slowly for someone with long legs. He notices how Yanjun’s eyes bore into Zhangjing’s shoulders where his hand rests and how he looks away as quickly as Zhengting pulls his friend closer. Zhengting also sees how Yanjun steals a glance at Zhangjing before directing a, “Hey,” at Zhengting.

Zhengting only nods as he squeezes Zhangjing’s shoulders to bring him back to reality. Zhengting notices how Yanjun’s adam’s apple bobbed too high as he obviously swallowed what seemed like a lump in his throat. “Where’s Kun?”

“Out,” replies Zhengting. Yanjun only nods in response before pointing to the loo to excuse himself.

“Breathe,” Zhengting says once they’re left alone on the staircase. Zhangjing takes a deep breath before gasping out a loud, “Oh my god!” He continues to blabber a series of _I can’t do this_ until Zhengting tells him to shut up and pulls him up the stairs and into the VIP room they rented for this mini get-together.


	4. Stood Out for Hours as You Complained about How You Haven't Seen Your Friends Yet

Xukun gets out alone and fetches a cigarette from inside his jacket before lighting it. He’s been able to keep his cool this whole week. Why is he losing his shit now? He doesn’t understand.

He thought he was ready to face Ziyi. But there was something insanely different about thinking about meeting Ziyi and _actually_ being in a position where it will inevitably happen. Should Xukun just ditch? No way. Zhengting and Zhangjing won’t forgive him for it.

“Got a light?” Too engrossed in his own thoughts, Xukun gets startled when a familiar voice speaks beside him. And when he turns his head, he finds himself fidgeting. His hands are shaky as he reaches inside his jacket to find his lighter.

The person beside him chuckles, “Chill, Kun.” He says and brings his hand nearer so his cigarette can catch the fire that Xukun lit for him. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Xukun sighs. “ _Lin Yanjun._ ”

“Oh wow, you still know me,” Yanjun gasps. “That’s surprising.” It’s the truth.

Xukun brings the cigarette back to his lips after saying, “You think we could ever forget you? Especially Zhangjing?”

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to _not_ mention him to me,” Yanjun says as he huffs out a smoke.

“Why? What’s so wrong about me mentioning Zhangjing?” Xukun asks tauntingly. He finds it unfair that Yanjun has the audacity to act all bitter about his best friend.

Yanjun flicks the ash off his stick. “Wow, thanks for your non-cooperation.” Xukun snorts at that.

“You sound like THE bitter ex,” teases Xukun, leaving his cigarette butt in the ashtray on top of the bin. That fact bothers him a little but it feels nice like this. Bickering with Yanjun. He missed it.

“Maybe I am the bitter ex.” Yanjun brings the cancer stick into his mouth. Xukun looks at him confusedly and Yanjun blows the smoke in his face. “I assume your friend didn’t tell you about it?”

Xukun is still dumbfounded and confused. He doesn’t understand – no, he refuses to accept – what Yanjun is insinuating. Could Zhangjing be hiding something important from them?

A wave of hand catches his attention and brings him back to the present. “Let’s go in. I don’t think Zhengting appreciates Ziyi whining about you.” And with the mention of _that_ name, Xukun’s forgotten restlessness comes back.

“Happy birthdaaaay to yoouuu!~” Dinghao’s voice greets Yanjun and Xukun as they come inside their rented room. The boy is so obviously drunk. He and Xinchun, actually. They have always been the loud ones. Chaoze is also in the chaos, dancing interpretatively to _Happy Birthday_.

On the other, quieter side of the room sat Ziyi, Zhengting, and Zhangjing respectively. Ziyi’s head is loomingly resting on Zhengting’s shoulder while Zhengting wears a poker face. His eyes light up upon seeing them enter, though. Contrary to Zhangjing who averts his gaze after a sour change in expression. Zhengting shakes Ziyi’s head off his shoulder and points at Xukun. Xukun sees his mouth open and close but he fails to catch what Zhengting said.

It’s too late to even think of it, though, as Ziyi exclaims, “BRO,” rushes towards him, and envelopes him in a bear hug. Xukun’s mind can’t even label Zhengting as a traitor. It’s as if Ziyi’s breath clouded all judgment as he speaks, “I missed you.”

Xukun’s breath hitches and he blinks the threatening tears away. After gulping to ensure his voice won’t shake, he replies, “I missed you, too.”

Xukun only wants one thing: to get out of this situation. He thinks of it when Dinghao, Xinchun, and Chaoze decided to go down where they could dance freely. It’s so awkward. Ziyi hasn’t stopped asking him questions in an attempt to catch up with all the time they lost. Xukun gives out short answers to ensure that his voice won’t break.

Zhengting watches as Zhangjing downs another shot. He doesn’t try to stop his friend even though he knows Zhangjing is gonna get shitfaced. _Doesn’t sound like a ME problem._ He also knows that this is what Zhangjing needs. A break from all his inhibitions. He needs to get it all out – his anger, his fears, his longing. Zhengting wants to understand why Zhangjing has never been able to talk about his relationship with Yanjun for the past three years. He is tired of the dark. Seeing the rest of their friends again tonight, he isn’t so sure he can still _hate_ Yanjun and avoid everyone else at the expense of Zhangjing’s personal drama. After all, if Zhengting can suck it up and put his own dilemma aside, he’s pretty sure Zhangjing can do the same.

On Zhengting’s left, Yanjun is also busy replacing his blood with alcohol. He is shooting glares at Zhangjing from time to time. Zhengting doesn’t understand why _both_ of them are mad at each other.

They lost touch after graduation because Xukun wanted to avoid Ziyi because _he’s never gonna have a chance with him, anyway. He needed it to move on._ And Zhangjing wanted to get rid of Yanjun for reasons he couldn’t disclose. He just told them _he broke up with me_ as he wept and that was the end of discussion for the rest of three years.

Zhengting decides it’s gonna have to continue now – whatever it is. They all need it fixed.

Moments later, Yanjun speaks, “I need a light.” And addressing Xukun, he asks, “Kun, you coming?”

Xukun’s face visibly lights up at the salvation Yanjun offered. He slightly nods and tells everyone that he’s going with Yanjun.

“Is there...” Yanjun cuts himself when he thought better than to ask. It’s not his business, anyway.

“What?” replies Xukun. He offers Yanjun a cigarette stick and helps him light it up after lighting his own.

Yanjun brings the cigarette to his mouth. “Nothing.”

“Come on, ask,” Xukun says, doing the same.

Yanjun blows out a smoke before he continues, “Is there – Did something happen between you and Ziyi?”

He notices how Xukun is taking a longer time to huff out a smoke than normal. When he finally does, he responds, “What do you mean?”

Yanjun shrugs, flicking the excess ash off to the tray above the bin they’re standing by. “You used to be best buds.”

“Yea.” Xukun nods. “Best buds.” A corner of his lips goes up in a bitter smirk and he lightly shakes his head.

Yanjun huffs out a smoke in Xukun’s face for the second time that night. It is becoming a hobby. “You sound like you wanted something more.” And when Xukun grazes his unfinished cigarette on the ashtray to put the light out, gaze avoiding the other guy, Yanjun surprisingly mutters, “Holy shit.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Xukun states. “He’s _so awfully_ straight.”

Yanjun opens his mouth to say something but it stays like that as he gets enveloped in Zhangjing’s embrace.


	5. That You're Too Drunk to Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i have no self control ahhfdjsjfd

“Traitor,” Zhangjing mutters under his breath, eyeing Xukun who is leaving with Yanjun. So they just met again tonight and suddenly, they’re the best of friends again as if they hadn’t lost touch for the past three years? Or had they really? Lost in touch... Zhangjing is getting suspicious. And then, he shakes his head. Xukun would never do that to him.

Zhangjing downs a shot, then another, then another. Zhengting watches him with eyes that mirrored Ziyi’s concern. They are all best of friends after all.

“Zhangjing,” Ziyi speaks in a voice ready to stop Zhangjing, but the latter shuts him up. “You don’t get to have a say on this.”

Zhengting figures it’s his turn now. “’Jing, you’re gonna get yourself drunk.” He says and reaches out to stop the smaller boy from taking another shot.

“That’s the plan.” Zhangjing’s voice is slurred and he even hiccups at the end of his sentence. “Give that back, ‘Ting.”

“No.” Zhengting firmly says. Ziyi had always found it admirable how easily Zhengting could put any situation in the palm of his hands.

“I want it back, Ting,” Zhangjing whines, and then wails the same sentence. “I want it back,” he cries. “Ting I want it back.”

Zhengting wants to cry with Zhangjing. He has never seen Zhangjing this vulnerable for all of three years. The last time he saw Zhangjing like this was when he and Xukun brought him home from their graduation party, shitfaced and crying because Yanjun had kissed him, and then kissed another man, and finally, dumped him, all in a span of an hour.

“I want him back, ‘Ting.” Zhengting doesn’t even notice the slight change in Zhangjing’s whine.

“I want _him_ back,” sobs Zhangjing. When Zhengting finally notices, he pulls his best friend into a warm hug and lets his head rest on his own shoulder.

“’Ting, I still...” Zhangjing can’t find it in him to continue. Zhengting understands, anyway. He always did.

“I know.” He says, patting Zhangjing’s head comfortingly before running his fingers through his friend’s hair. Ziyi also joins in, rubbing Zhangjing’s back. His hand touches Zhengting’s arm for an infinitesimal second and the other boy pulls away as if it burned.

When he recovers, though, Zhengting puts his hand back on top of Zhangjing’s head, and in a tone more hushed, he says, “We know.”

Yanjun and Xukun are taking a longer time needed to finish a stick. Zhangjing, god bless Zhangjing and his drunk and malfunctioning brain cell, decides to go down and fetch them. Zhengting and Ziyi quickly follow.

Not _too_ quickly, though. They have been way busier thinking if they should approach the other now that the others are gone, or just completely ignore each other’s presence just like they agreed on.

Ziyi knew it was a mistake. Zhengting knew it was wrong to do that to Xukun. It’s not as if they regretted what happened more than the fact that it ended, but it’s not like Zhengting would take him and it’s not like Ziyi even had the courage to ask.

So they both just breath in deeply and exhale their worries.

When they reach outside, they see Zhangjing all over Yanjun. They decide to stand beside Xukun who whispers, “Let them,” when Ziyi makes a move to get closer to the two.

Xukun watches the awfully familiar scene. One boy breathing against another’s neck, crying. The other, all too surprised. His mind whirls and there is an aching sensation in his head that he recognized as the past knocking in.

_Xukun decided to go out and get some fresh air. He had always been one to party but tonight was different, in so many ways. After this, Ding Zeren would still throw a hell of a lot of parties, but they’re not gonna get invited. After this, he wouldn’t see at least half of the people in here again. After this, he’d still attend house parties with booze and music and banging – both walls and people. After this, they’re not in high school anymore._

_Ding Zeren called it a graduation afterparty. And there’s a “Congratulations, Graduates” banner on the yard. They knew it was an excuse he used so his parents would go anywhere else and allow him to throw a party. Xukun, the only one outside and sitting on a slightly elevated pavement, decided it was time for a light. It was a bad habit, Xukun knew, but he couldn’t get out of it. It was his break from all his stress. Its smoke had often clouded his worries and he’d always flick them off like the ash burnt on surface._

_When Xukun was about to throw his cigarette butt, it got snatched from his hand by none other than his best friend, Ziyi. “I already finished that one.”_

_Ziyi pulled the stick away from his lips and looked at it, drunkenly confused. He let out a slurred, “Well that explains it,” and tossed the cigarette to the ground. He took a swig from the red cup he was holding. God knows what was in that cup. Zeren’s parties had always been a mess of liquor and they had agreed to only drink shit from the bottle instead of from the punch. “Have another?” Ziyi asked. “Gimme.”_

_Xukun looked at him weirdly. “Thought you quit?” It was true. Ziyi, despite the fact that he was the one who pulled Xukun into this deadly vice, had quit long ago. Xukun saw how especially hard it was for Ziyi, from smoking at least 2 sticks a day since he was sixteen and resisting to even be around_ any _smoke at seventeen. It was hard for him to come clean, and it was hard for Xukun to approach him when he, himself, was so so dirty he could taint him._

_Ziyi let out what seemed like a failed attempt at snorting. In a joking matter, he said, “You’re not even gon’ welcome me back, bro?” Yet, all Xukun could do was get lost in his eyes and drown in it as tears threatened to spill out._

_Xukun’s eyes darted on the red cup they had sworn never to touch again after_ that one time _that Zhengting almost got hospitalized. Something was terribly wrong. “What happened?”_

_And all Ziyi could ever reply was, “Kun,” that sometimes followed a sob._

_“Bro.” Xukun spat the word out as if its remnants would stop burning his tongue. God, how he hated that word. “You gotta tell me what’s wrong.”_

_Ziyi’s littlest voice that broke Xukun’s heart delivered a message that slightly put it back up as it said, “She broke up with me.”_

_Ziyi leaned in and Xukun welcomed him by the door of his own body. He let Ziyi’s drunk and tired head fall on the couch that was his shoulder and he allowed himself to put the pillow that was his hand rest above his best friend’s hair, affectionately playing with it as the other boy breathed against his neck. He thought of how cold the summer evening was for someone who just had to deal with an ice-cold reality, and what kind of host was he if he couldn’t even lend the blanket that was his arms to tuck Ziyi in?_

_It was wrong. Very wrong to find pleasure in other’s misfortune. But Xukun couldn’t help but fight back a smile. Xukun’s mind whispered, ‘You don’t deserve her anyway.’ Ziyi deserved much more than a whiny person who always tried to break him off from his habits and who he is. Much more than a person who pushed him to shed his sense of self. Xukun thought Ziyi deserved a person who would jump off their window at 2 am to accompany him to a convenience store because he was hungry and his parents were never home for him to have food. Someone who wouldn’t call his corny quirks.. well, corny. Someone who would throw away his everything to do an interpretative dance with him in a barely-lit sidewalk to a fading music from the inside of someone else’s home. Someone who would rub his back as he puked out all of his stomach. Someone who would put Ziyi’s arm around their shoulders as their hand rested on the small of Ziyi’s back trying to support him to walk._

_And when Xukun realized that what his mind thought Ziyi deserved was everything they were doing outside of Zeren’s house, the bitter vile from his stomach pushed at the back of his throat as he tried to hold on to Ziyi even though it physically hurt. Even though his skin was thin and the fire of Ziyi’s possible disgust when – or if – he finds out that Xukun, his best “_ bro,” _was gay and crushing over him for a little well over a year burnt more than that one time Xukun put the wrong side of the cigarette between his lips._


	6. And You Not Knowing if You Can Love Him Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last for today i guess

_Xukun knew he should’ve stopped pining for Ziyi ever since last year when he asked him if he liked someone and Ziyi blabbered about this one girl in English who spoke as if her tongue wrote the laws and walked as if her footsteps could lead an entire community. Which was exactly the case. For Ziyi, at least. OR, the month before graduation when he and Ziyi were celebrating the end of hell week through movie night and his 2 am mind thought it was a good idea to ask Ziyi what Xukun meant to him and he had answered, “You’re my best friend, bro.” He blamed it on the drunken sensation brought upon by the time and the stress and their proximity altogether._

_Actually, Xukun shouldn’t even have pined for Ziyi in the first place since he had always known how straight the latter was. And they’re best friends, for fuck’s sake. He wasn’t supposed to ruin a friendship just because he decided that having feelings was a good idea. But that was the problem. Xukun hadn’t decided any of this. He didn’t even know when it started or how. All he knew was there was a day when he realized he was in love with Ziyi and that he had forgotten what the days before that were._

_So here he was, bawling his eyes out with Zhangjing, who was by the toilet bowl vomiting. Xukun didn’t know if he was lucky he didn’t drink a lot or if he was unfortunate because he couldn’t blame it on alcohol anymore. So when they arrived home, the first thing Xukun greeted was the fridge as he fished a bottle of beer out. He continued drinking right beside Zhangjing and his mess. Xukun really had a tough stomach – and liver._

_Zhengting stood by the door, looking over his two friends who were crying side by side. Zhengting could tell who they were crying about. Yanjun and Ziyi. Of course. Of course. It’s gotta be Ziyi. He was the only one who could do this to Xukun. Zhengting’s heart got heavy as its pounding increased._

_“What the hell even happened to the both of you?” Zhengting asked despite having an idea. “You first, ‘Jing.”_

_Zhangjing spat after another series of barfing. “I don’t know, too.” His voice was barely understandable but Zhengting managed to figure the words out. Zhangjing continued babbling until he felt another wave of whatever acid and solid food rise up to his throat._

_Zhengting raised an eyebrow, pretending as though he wasn’t dying to know. He turned to Xukun and asked, “And you?”_

_Xukun sniffed, “Same old. God, ‘Jing what the fuck did you even dri—oh shit.” He cut himself off as he tasted sour at the end of his tongue._

_“WHAT THE FUCK, ‘KUN?” Zhangjing yelled in horror and disgust as he threw his hands up to his hair only to feel Xukun’s vomit there. It was as if it suddenly made him sober. “Get the fuck out. I’m gonna shower.” And then he whispered, “Zhengting’s the only bitch I trust in this house. This is SO disgusting.”_

_Xukun looked at Zhengting helplessly, albeit trying to gulp his chuckle down. Zhengting just shrugged and nodded, inviting Xukun out, but not before the latter snatched his toothbrush from the sink._

_Xukun brushed his teeth and gargled on the kitchen sink, with Zhengting on his side asking him rhetorical questions. “Why do you even like him? Why is he so fucking straight for you?” When Xukun was done and Zhengting still wasn’t, he snaked his arms around Zhengting’s waist and pulled him close before nuzzling his chest. That shut Zhengting up._

_“’Ting, am I so bad a friend for falling in love with him?”_

_Zhengting’s left arm wrapped around Xukun so his left hand rested on the boy’s back as his right went to cradle his head. He pulled on the strands of Xukun’s hair as he wondered the same question. The right answer... it’s no. Right? Falling in love with your best friend. It could happen to anyone. Right? Was he such a bad friend for letting something he couldn’t control happen?_

_He felt Xukun snuggle closer, still waiting for an answer. Zhengting closed his eyes and whispered, “No. No, you’re not.”_

_And he knew he wasn’t talking to Xukun._


	7. Bullshit You Fucking Miss Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short...

Yanjun’s shirt is getting damp, he notices this when he feels it cling to his skin. He puts each of his hands on Zhangjing’s shoulders to try and push him lightly away. Zhangjing doesn’t budge. Instead, he snuggles closer to Yanjun’s shirt, sniffling as he repeatedly recites Yanjun’s name like a prayer to a god he doesn’t believe in, or one who doesn’t believe him, for this matter. It doesn’t work, of course. Nothing works for someone who doesn’t believe.

Zhangjing’s voice sounds weak when he cries, “Yanjun,” but it’s strong enough to fracture Yanjun’s walls. _Pathetic._

Yanjun feels his upper arms getting weaker when it quivers as if a winter wind has just blown on a summer night. His chest tightens just as Zhangjing’s embrace does and he feels it squeeze his eyes’ contents. It also doesn’t fucking help that Zhangjing is shaking against him, begging to be held. And it also doesn’t fucking help that Yanjun’s own hands are shaking, begging to hold the other man.

“I miss you.” Yanjun manages to catch the words when it falls from Zhangjing’s trembling lips. And then he hears it again and again _and again_ as his heartbeat follows the wobbling of Zhangjing’s voice. “I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.” Yanjun almost chokes trying to swallow his words. _No, I don’t. No, I don’t. No, I don’t._  

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or something or talk to me on [ twitter ](https://www.twitter.com/exonyeonz) or [ curiouscat ](https://www.curiouscat.me/exonyeonz) uwu


End file.
